i feel like if we gave it one night, you'd hate me less and make it alright wide awake before i found you if i'm being honest, i don't feel like you've kept your end of the promise why am i so selfish? i feel guilt for not feeling guilty you're a runaway truck, i'm a guy on a bike, you were so fucking shitty, get me out of this city people are funny you don't even know bout the shit that i been through i don't relate to you, no, cause i'd never treat me this shitty, you made me hate this city know that i love you so bad, i let you treat me like that if your baby knew, what do you think she would do? you fucked up me and you, don't you fuck up this too to know me is to hate me is to hate what i've become, is to watch me as i'm falling from that ladder's last rung why would i put on a vest? i expect you to aim for the head baby i know you're cut open, when the tears fall i'm leavin you roses i got a way with hearts, skip to the part where i destroy it it's hard to be alone when i don't really like me, i keep talking to myself but not very nicely i was hoping you might ask 'is this one about me?' but how could you just say nothing at all? the more i think i grow, the less i seem to know i wear my heart up on my sleeves i never can figure out what you want me to do instead, you said you felt something inside i understand if i've been moving you in ways that you won't bend yes, yes, inconceivable, see myself as fairly reasonable, but at times i can be stubborn so if i have to i will rock the boat, i don't tend to take the easy road, that's just not the way i like to roll, what you think's probably unfeasible, i've done already a hundredfold you don't know it yet but i do, she'll always have that part of you show me the places where the others gave you scars sometimes we gotta let it go to waste, i know it hurts i see it on your face, just not the perfect time or perfect place if my future kids end up like me they won't get to sleep earlier than 3 you're too close, i hate it when you give me hope, we both know how this story goes, that's why i never wanna get this close i'm so sorry for the things i do, i hope it doesn't hurt your heart it's true i'm playing games to kill the time until my battery's out leave your heart on the kitchen table when you walk in cause i cut mine off my sleeve and throw it back in the closet i knew you, your heartbeat on the highline, once in twenty lifetimes i know that puttin all this liquor in my body won't exonerate me from all the guilt that haunts me i have no right to need you when i knew, what my heart was gonna lose, i have no right to love you but i do, i still do life's not a level line, and if you need one more night, it's fine sometimes it helps to know, it's okay to just go when unfamiliar faces tell you where your place is, i promise i'll be patient with you and all your hyperbolic statements i'm sorry that it took so long to see, they were dead wrong tryna put it on me i still need you to ease my load, hold me when the lightning strikes, lead me home when i don't know which way is right you that weekend, we were sleeping, in that london hotel room, heard you singing in the shower, damn near broke my heart in two even on my worst day, did i deserve babe, all the hell you gave me? cause i loved you, i swear i loved you til my dying day you took far too much for someone so unkind, i will wipe the salt off of my skin and i'll admit that i got it wrong i know that you're with him and it's fine but you still feel like you're mine i don't think they know it, how bad i'm broken, the colors you see have become lost on me and i can't find the root of the bleed what made me think i was special? i'm not special, turns out i'm like everybody else if you weren't so insecure you'd learn to close each open door for me nothing happened in the way i wanted, every corner of this house is haunted you don't see what you saw in me when you said you would never leave and i swore that i couldn't breathe when you walked away from me maybe it's my father's fault, stop myself before i fall i should know better it never turns to happy ever, after i know we won't end up together, now 4am and i can't sleep again, i don't know god but i know that i sin, i wanna love but i have thicker skin, now that somebody has hurt me, heart was broken early is it just enough to be at the surface? now i'm underwater, one two breaths and it makes me nervous, i have more to offer and i crashed my car cause i wanna get carried away is there a word for the way that i'm feelin tonight? happy and sad at the time i found new york layin in your arms melt into the bedroom floor i won't take anyone down when i crawl tonight, but i still let everyone down when i change in size i don't wanna base my actions on reactions or the things they say, and i don't wanna hit delete on all the parts of me that they might hate i won't let this go til i'm in the ground, promises you're breaking, parts of me you're taking, i don't know myself when you're not around i don't wanna think about the distance, i just wanna be in your existence i'm caught in between what i wish and what i know, when they say that you just know from the moment i left, i knew you were the one, and no matter whatever i do, i will never not think about you i might have to get up off the porch, show you how it's done i got the form hate being so damn honest, you have my heart but you don't even want it it's so lonely in this room but i'm too scared now to move so i talk to god saying 'i don't wanna live forever' i be spending all my money just to feel important, something bout this life that's beginning to get boring i wanna tell you i'm sorry for the mistakes i made, that i forgive you for the part that you played i know you want us to move on because you think that it's better, we could move on for the moment and not move on forever fell so fast and burned your way out of love for me i'm just the reason you're running out of patience, can't keep pretending we're something worth saving no point throwing water on an open flame when there's nothing left that will ever be our saving if i could take back what i said, i wouldn't, cause this doesn't feel like love as i understood it then you find someone in your bed who doesn't hate the things that go on in your head all i wanted, and i still needed more just as soon as i got it if i left tomorrow i don't think you would follow me wanted magic but how many dreams have we left in the attic? collecting dust with my youth, all the things that i do that i don't believe in i won't ever leave the way they left ya you would love it if i went away and didn't say nothin else, how am i keepin it real by keepin this shit to myself? when i close my eyes i see each of the hundred lives that i could live and know it's all enough i think of a rhyme and i have to record it, but know if i don't i'll wake up in the morning and question my life again always avoiding, i hate to be different but hate to be normal insecurities of all kinds, i'm a hostage to my own pride nobody knows where we'll go, but i've got a hunch that it feels like home every hand i lost has brought me something i can't lose nothing is a waste of time, i had to take a hit to learn to read the signs unforgiveness keeps them in control everybody saw me sick, and it felt like no one gave a shit you're not like anything i know or i've known i tend to complicate and find fancy ways to say i just want more of you if we're made of paper there's bound to be flames, i'll hold us together but is it in vain? if one gust of wind could be all that it takes time to make it right so why are you still saying i'm wrong? it's only a matter of time, an eye for an eye you'll go blind, and when did you stop being kind? you twisted your words like a knife it aint over yet, you can't tear me down and act like i will just forget you can say what you like, doesn't mean that you're right did we both fall in love before we were ready? or did we both give up before we were steady? last night i swallowed liquor and a lighter and this morning i threw up fire and we just want sleep but this night is hell, i'm sick and sunk and i blame myself because i make things hard and you're just trying to help i shot the pilot, now i'm begging you to fly this for me is that what you call tact? you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back broken down from the bikes and bars, suspended like spirits over speeding cars you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed and you're tearin up your photos cause you wanna forget, it's over every minute is a mile, i've never felt so hollow, i'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles this is war, every line is about who i don't wanna write about anymore is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry? i am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind the wrong words will strand you, come off course while you sleep, sweep your boat out to sea or dashed to bits on the reef is it in you now to bear to hear the truth that you have spoken? twisted up by knaves to make a trap for fools is it in you now to watch the things you gave your life to broken? stoop and build them up with worn out tools take all that you have and turn it into something you would miss if somebody threw that brick, shattered all your plans do you miss the blend of colors she left in your black and white field? do you feel condemned just for being there? i used to sleep without a single stir, cause i was about my father's work i'm my own stone around my neck do you believe you're missing out? that everything good is happening somewhere else do i divide and pull apart? cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark goodbye to sleep, i think that staying up is exactly what i need in the choir i saw a sad messiah, he was bored and tired of my laments, said "i died for you one time but never again" a beauty supreme, yeah you were right about me, can i get myself out from underneath this guilt that will crush me i fear that i am a slippery slope, now even if i lay my head down at night, after a day i got perfectly right i have burned the bush that covered my light, even though i’m scared i won’t burn as bright you're never going to feel as full as you felt, so let's go outside and we'll play william tell drop me a line with a hook and some raw bleeding bait for i am uncaught and still swimming alone in the lake shimmering under a moon made in anger and haste, shimmering like a penny out of reach in the subway grating i stole bricks from the dam almost every day, now i'm drowning in the flood i made explain myself to me on the other side, i'm gonna want some answers when i die so you tried to put a fire out but you used gasoline, and when the congregation gathered round, you’re screaming it wasn't me just sit around like broke down cars in the lot waiting for repairs but i know what you need in a friend, so now when i leave you i hope i won't see you i don't want to let you go, but it hurts my hands to hold the rope, i won't be such an easy mark, you're no better than they say if everyone's a structure where their own savior sits, i'm a little red house but no one's living in it if somehow i was new and everything was unsaid, i'd go and buy a hammer, never sing again when you realize it's a pattern and not a phase, it's what you've become and it's what you will stay i'll probably love you, but it freaks me out sayin it, this feels too different to have the same name for it

lindsay